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oh  architecture,,

oh architecture;; how do I love thee,, let me count the ways.. I love thee to the depth and breath and height my soul can reach when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace.. I love thee to the level of every day’s most quiet need,, by sun and candlelight.. I love thee freely,, as men strive for right.. **

but my dear architecture,, why have you betrayed me..?? why has my life become an effort to satisfy your needs while forsaking mine own..?? why is it that your need to satisfy the rest of pubic existence become a burden for me..?? was that what you chose for yourself..??

… and,, by acceptance of you dear architecture,, I must do the same..??

endless nights researching,, thinking,, drawing,, building;; only to defend our purpose.. conceived and appropriate to social,, cultural,, issues it doesn’t reach the minds of the population.. those in need are in no position to agree;; those in position say what for..??

so my dear architecture,, how longer am I to continue this..?? abiding to your hopes and aspirations..?? my dear dear architecture,, you have taken me away from life to pursue your ideals;; leaving me alone but to be with you.. … … my life has been driven by your will;; dear architecture.. 

is that want you want..?? that I be a servant with no love in return..??

ronlem

03.18.2016

** William Shakespeare - Romeo and Juliet

dear thesis,,

how are you.??

dear thesis you asked me to explore undefined new and emerging issues in the world around us.. you also reminded me of internal ideas and memories of what I possess inside.. so it is by way of this dichotomy that I’ve engaged on an effort to find my self portrait of my existence.. you asked me to discover myself as opposed to creating myself.. but dear thesis you also told me that it is not a one time event in a studio.; instead it is an ongoing process that evolves constantly over time as we constantly evolve over time in an ever changing world.. so applied each day alters me,, and alters the world.. you are a commentary to the world and a reminder to me that we are fully connected to the world;, socially,, environmentally,, and culturally.. it is not a manifesto,, as a manifesto is determinant;, fixed,, myopic.. you are the world as we understand ourselves in it,, each day..

so dear thesis,, I trust you are well.. and you are always with me..

ronlem

05.28.2016 11:18a

prep as meditation

i can recall when I was quite young and was being trained in sumie painting by this elder asian woman.. i studied with her for a period of about five years starting from around the age of nine or ten.. i learned to make ink ,, paper,, brushes,, and color.. this will be a story about the first,, making ink.. making ink involves an ink stick,, water,, and an inkstone.. one takes the stick places it in the stone which has the water,, and begins to grind the stick in circular movements to build the ink slurry.. depending upon the size of the stone and the amount of water,, this can take any where from fifteen minutes,, to an hour or more.. as can be imagined,, for a person in their youth this can be quite strenuous not only physically,, but mentally.. in ones youth the last thing you want to do is something repetitive for lengths of time.. but it was part of the training,, and you can not paint without it.. so as always I begin to make the ink;; ink needs to be of fairly thick consistency to be of any value.. rich dense ink is require to obtain that color which is not only black,, but has a sheen and almost metallic quality with a slight hue which varies dependent on the ink stick.. so I ground and I ground and I ground.. first for five minutes to check the consistency;; nope not quite yet,, not even close.. so i ground and i ground and i ground.. my master would occasionally come by to check it and more often than not gave me this expression of disappointment.. so i ground and i ground and i ground.. first with my right hand,, then with my left,, i ground and i ground and i ground.. grinding with my left hand was usually treacherous because my left was a bit more spastic in this operation and often I would splash ink right out of the stone;; again fostering a gaze of disappointment from my master. so i would revert back to my right and i ground and i ground and i ground.. with perseverance though the ink actually comes to life and life is good again.. especially when my master would finally give me a nod of approval that the ink was finally as the right consistency.. yes,, time to paint..? not always,, there were occasions when because she was in the midst of painting that she would take my ink that I toiled over to continue working on her work.. while on other occasions she would spill it out and I would need to start all over again to grind and grind and grind.. it was such a tedious task and i never really enjoyed it.. i could not understand why i needed to go through such an effort to do something as simple as paint.. i performed that task for months before even once putting a brush to the ink.. But then there was that wonderful day when i my master placed some paper in front of me.. i had to learn between the various types which side was the front and which was the back.. she showed me through quick and decisive strokes how to paint bamboo.. excitedly i took my brush and painted my first bamboo;; she gave me that same look of disappointment as she had done so with my ink.. i painted bamboo for months after that;; over and over and over.. it was perhaps a decade later when all of this became clear to me.. i realized that all the preparation was in fact a form of meditation to clear my mind and move into a realm where and when i could actually paint.. at this time the preparation of ink was entrancing.. the ink i began to realize had not only a color,, sheen and consistency,, but had a scent as well.. a scent which can be likened to that inside a temple.. the scent would go through my mind and settle me in;; eliminate my anxieties,, and prepare me to paint.. now when i work,, regardless of the medium,, or whether it is painting,, drawing,, writing or even architecture,, i use all the preparation time as meditation time.. I can no longer approach anything in a hurry.. i never think while i am working,, i do all the thinking first and then let it go during the meditation period.. it allows the work to be untainted by thought..

somehow we know it

what is painting..?? 

why do we experience a moment of beauty..??

which can suddenly disappear without even a second past..??

disappear..??

with no beauty left as we move on again..??

what captures that moment..??

what did we see for a moment as beauty..??

beauty is not a product..

though maybe pleasing to our mind..

nor presents itself as something that’s necessarily beautiful..

not necessarily even pleasurable..

in painting,, its about the experience..

it’s about experiencing the painting..

a neural recognition of the act..

as if we were there..

balance,, rhythm;; maybe remembrance..??

even non figurative becomes cognizant..

so our perception becomes a reality that is new..

so painting is about something new;; never seen before..

but somehow we know it..

ronlem 10.29.18

to my dearest bingqing with love

inspiration

inspiration always seems to be defined as something that excites us,, or otherwise motivates us to do something we normally do,, or otherwise may give us the confidence to do something entirely new;; perhaps something latent in our mind.. but surely inspirations not that simple..

take the first,, “to do something we normally do”;; then the second,, “the confidence to do something entirely new”;; now these are direct opposites of each other..

so how can a notion of inspiration compel us to do something that are totally disparate from each other..?? for sure there must be an impulse driven by past experience to compel either situation..

supposing this were true,, is inspiration connected to an experience from the past which reminds us of an idea,, or a dream..?? maybe a recent event that instills,, or ferments an idea once again from the past,, or an expectation of which we may have worked or hoped for,, now re-ignited again by a situation,, singular or multiple.. or simply just now..

inspiration can not really be generated by outside events,, these events are mere excitations that last but for a moment..

inspiration is a re-emergence of imbedded ideas and aspirations trapped within us.. inspiration and the “moment of self awareness” is at a level of deja vu,, where we encounter a self realization,, or reification of what we already know;; but somehow experiencing for the first time.

to flower

(for bingqing)  2014

forced by circumstance

energy by purpose

expression to change;;

that which remains unclear..

in thinking of flowers,, it is necessary to understand that plants will flower as a way to self perpetuate.. they do not need to flower,, but when they do it is because they feel a threat to their existence.. they flower as a response to fallen health during the fall and winter.. then they put all their energy towards the future,, leaving what they know behind,, sacrificing for the future..

the spring buds show this determination.. the spring flowers show the effort;; and the strive for existence and expression.. they tell a story of themselves,, and similarly how all other manifestations,, human included,, look to the future..

it may be a lesson from the flowers about how we look to maintain our identity thru occasions of strife and struggle to express ourselves;; and,, that which we have to offer..!!

trees

trees are happy because they take root

and then they don’t try to search or look

for anything that they don’t need

ronlem 10.2019

text for 'poetic exchange' arranged by my dearest dace burkevica..

yiki (yie-kie)

it was said to me once, that a gesture of care and friendship to another person was to put the thumb and forefinger together.. i did not understand at the time...

but if you paint it,, then it becomes clear.. ..

in that it means that you cross varying situations with those that that you care about and respect;; that you can accept all of the varying circumstances,, and you will be there with them..